I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
