im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize