just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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