Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
