she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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