that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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