You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
