You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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