I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
