its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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