i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
