We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
