OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
