You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
