just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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