I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
