he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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