im drinking this country out of the recession.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
