I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i will never coherently bang her
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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