i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
