Don't make out with my wife yet
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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