Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize