He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
