I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
