So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
