so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you had me at cake vodka
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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