why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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