I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
