I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize