so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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