Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
