She is in my trunk
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
