"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize