I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
