I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
