You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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