This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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