Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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im holly from the hills drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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