I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
