Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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