Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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