Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
