a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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