Cold hands, warm shart.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
