This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
