did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
