I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
