she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
