Tell her she can't have a vagina
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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