I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
