Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
