i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
