Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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