There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
