He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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