We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
