So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize