Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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