Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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