What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
