there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
