I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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