i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
