I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
