the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
