So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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