If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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