also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
