as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
