Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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