you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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