Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
being pregnant is like rehab
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
