matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
