I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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