I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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