I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
