On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
