There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
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I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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