Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
