Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
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some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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