It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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