I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
