Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
