He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
